• stonehenge sunrise

    Spying a bit of magic

    After a long week at work, I’m usually too tired or too mentally drained to be very creative. Which breaks my heart because writing short stories and poems and journal entries and novels has always brought me such joy.

    It feels like my imagination has been hiding in a safe room, unable or unwilling to leave. I’m convinced she’s hanging out with my muse since both have been MIA in recent years. As is my nature, I keep that safe room fully stocked with books and food and fresh water so who knows when they’ll come out again. Yet once in a while, when I peer through the tiny window in the door, I can spy a bit of magic.

    On Thursday morning, the northern hemisphere welcomed the Summer solstice. While the solstice marked the arrival of torment for me — damn you Summer migraines — it was also the longest day of the year. As someone who vastly prefers the nighttime, I took some comfort in knowing that from this point forward, my blessed darkness was on its way back.

    To celebrate, I applied that bit of found magic to a challenge issued by New Hampshire Pubic Radio: Sum up this season by writing a haiku. I managed to write two, and I’m thrilled to say NHPR broadcast both of them:

    Summer Solstice in New Hampshire

    as dawn broke this morn
    summer’s light bathed New Hampshire
    the solstice is here

    * * *

    Summer Solstice

    first day of summer
    season of heat, bugs, migraines
    bring back the darkness

  • calendar date

    Summer is nearly over. Thank goodness!

    Some women mark their menstrual cycles on a calendar, circling the days in bright red ink. I do something similar on the days I have migraines. I highlight each headache and note the ones that last for more than 24 hours (the doozies, I call ’em).

    Based on this tracking system, I’ve discovered that for nine months of the year, I tend to suffer from two or three migraines a month. In the summer, however, I endure two or three migraines a week.

    People’s migraine triggers vary, but mine are well established. I get these vicious headaches when it’s hot and humid, when the barometric pressure drops, during at least one day of my period and when I alter my altitude (by flying or spending time in the mountains). Knowing this, I do what I can to avoid such triggers. During the summer, I mostly just suffer.

    Which is basically why you haven’t seen any postings here. Although I’ve had a lot to say, much has prevented me from doing so. This month alone, according to my calendar, I’ve had more days with migraines than without. I had a week off for vacation and spent three days of it with nausea, head-pounding pain and exhaustion. Then there was the 9-day stretch of migraines, where a new one popped up every day. I worked through nearly all of them, but had to call out one night because the invisible ice pick stabbing my eyeball left me both dizzy and blind.

    That series of headaches abated on Sunday, around the time the heat wave we’ve been enduring ended. Yet I was still left weakened by the experience. Connections in my brain were severed by the prolonged pain and so I spent much of the day sleeping, trying to recuperate enough to be a productive part of society again.

    On the days without migraines, my spirit lightens and I have more energy to tackle the rest of my life. I spend much of that time playing catch-up for lost time: finishing chores, paying bills, running errands and simply taking notice. The dog has contracted a cold. Laundry awaits proper folding. The bird feeder needs fresh seed. My novel has not progressed enough. The herbs on the back deck all died.

    Despite this, I can already sense relief on the horizon. I just gotta survive August (my least favorite month of the year). Until then, I beg for your patience and understanding.

  • migraine

    In a moderate amount of pain, yet so grateful

    I suffered through 21 migraines this summer, several of which lasted for days at a time. These vicious headaches were often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, blurry vision or blindness, dizziness, muscle fatigue or fever, or a combination of all of these symptoms.

    Each hot June, July and August day left me filled with pain — or filled with dread that the pain would return. It was a miserable way to live and there were moments when I just didn’t want to bother anymore.

    Then Autumn arrived and the temperatures dropped and the weight of misery lifted from my shoulders. Four weeks passed without a single migraine. Four whole weeks. It was fucking awesome.

    Although a migraine attached itself to my brain last night, I know this moment of suffering will be short-lived. And I am so unbelievably grateful that the next few months will be relatively pain-free.

  • chocolate ice cream

    5 true confessions of a jaded mind

    * August has long been my least favorite month of the year. Perhaps because it’s so freakin’ hot and muggy.

    * The happiest moment of August is when the fall catalogs start to arrive, particularly the ones that feature Halloween items. That’s when I know the relief of Autumn is on the way.

    * If I spy a small animal — say a cat or a chipmunk — hanging around the house, I will leave scraps of food for it.

    * I am delighted by good manners, common courtesy and kindness.

    * I never tire of chocolate.


  • Books

    Seasonal slump, a quest for home and bookstore ruminations

    So Summer has arrived and well… blech. But I shall endeavor to keep my seasonal grumpiness to myself. Just know that I dream of central air conditioning.

    In recent weeks, M and I have been house-hunting and preparing to apply for mortgage applications. The first activity is fun, the second incredibly stressful. We really want to embark on to the next phase of our life, and that will involve moving, so both activities are required.

    One thing I’ve learned during this process is how compatible we are. I knew we loved each other and got along fabulously, but our tastes are very similar too. Where they diverge, the differences are minor.

    We also share a desire to make the other happy, which comes in handy while examining potential abodes. Best of all, after more than nine years together, we know each other’s likes and dislikes intimately, so much so that I’d feel entirely confident sending him out into the world to find us a home. Whichever place he picked would be perfect for our family. Knowing this type of relationship is so rare just makes me appreciate it all the more.

    In other news, I miss bookstores. Oh, they’re still around, there’s just not enough of them. Bookstores call to me when I’m bored or curious or determined, when I’m killing time between movies or when I want to look at books that I don’t already own and the library’s closed.

    Lastly, I wish time would stop whenever I read a book. Can someone make that happen? Thanks!