• Summer is here – Bah! Humbug!

    I know I’m in the minority on this one. But I can’t stand summer. When the solstice arrives, the only thing I celebrate is the promise of darkness’ return.

    I hate the bugs. I hate sweating. I don’t care for skimpy summer clothes or sticky, hot car seats. I loathe not being able to bake, and paying out the wazoo for air conditioning. Sun-tanning? Gimme a break. Unlike Superman, I am not solar-powered.

    Sure, grilling is great, unless you’re the person standing over the hot coals. Going to the beach is fun, except when the beach is a two-and-a-half hour drive each way. The one saving grace is ice cream, but even that is something I have to limit to a weekly treat rather than a daily one.

    Summer days are too bright, too warm, too humid and too long. Worst of all, they’re filled with pain. Because for me, summer is migraine season. Yes, I get migraines all year long. But three of my biggest triggers — heat, humidity, storms — occur most often between May and September.

    For the uninitiated, migraines = misery. Imagine the worst headache you’ve ever had, now triple the intensity. Localize the pain to a single location, as if someone is stabbing you in the right eye or at the top of your neck with a rusty ice pick. Toss in exhaustion, nausea, dizziness and extreme sensitivity to light, sound and smells and that’s almost what a migraine feels like. Now imagine having all of that for 8, 10, 15, 24 hours at a time. Two or three times a week. Such is the case for me each summer.

    Yet that’s not even the worst part. The worst part about having migraines is that they murder time, they literally steal your life away. When you have a migraine, it’s nearly impossible to work for 10 hours at a stretch. Or be creative in any sort of capacity. Or hit the gym for a daily workout. It’s beyond frustrating.

    Summer has just begun and yet I’ve already had three migraines this week. One lasted 20 hours, the second 14 hours and last night’s was a 15-hour doozy. Post-migraine, my body and mind are utterly exhausted from the effort of fighting off the pain. And I dread leaving the confines of my air conditioned and barely lit office for fear of getting another one. Yes, I am not a happy camper, my friends, so let me apologize in advance for any grumpiness I may exhibit. I’ll be better when Autumn returns. I promise.

    Summer countdown

  • I couldn’t help myself

    “Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?” –Henry Ward Beecher

    As I wandered through the Chapters/Indigo store in Toronto today — browsing the shelves of biographies, bestsellers and bargains — my “to buy” pile grew taller and taller. At one point, an alarmed clerk spotted the stack of books in my arms, rushed to my side and offered me a basket. I politely declined for fear that I would see that basket as a personal challenge. Even still, I ended up buying a reusable bookbag to help carry my purchases back to the apartment. I didn’t want to risk dropping one in a puddle before I even had a chance to read it.

    So how many books did I buy? Let’s just say my suitcase will be a bit heavier on the way back to the states than it was when I arrived in Canada.

    books from chapters

  • Building dreams

    Have you ever dreamed about a place, somewhere you’ve never been and yet it feels familiar?

    Have you had multiple dreams about this location?

    Does this place have any significant features, the kind you remember when you wake?

    And do you think you’d recognize this location if you learned that such a place existed?

    I have a place like that. I’ve never been there in real life and yet it has appeared numerous times in Morpheus’ realm. During these dreams, the features of the place are usually the same.

    For me, it is a skyscraper in some unknown city. The lobby is immense, with soaring ceilings and dark marbled tiles. The walls are made up of floor-to-ceiling windows on three sides, but it’s dark whenever I enter the building so the view is always obscured. Instead, I see the lobby’s reflection in the shimmering black glass.

    Sometimes the building is a hotel, albeit a rather unfriendly one. In these dreams, the building has the feel of a fortress, as if very wealthy or famous people are staying there and no trespassers are allowed. Other times, it is an office building, and various newspapers, publishing houses and wire services fill each floor.

    The left side of the lobby contains an immense paneled security desk, staffed by large, serious men. For some unknown reason, I always try to avoid the guards, using crowds or cunning to sneak past them and up the stairs.

    To the right are two black escalators moving in opposite directions. Frosted glass lines each side of the moving stairways and an obsidian marble median separates them. The stairs are made of thick steel, and the steps are wide enough to comfortably hold three people standing abreast. Slowly the stairs rise to a second floor and then a third. From there, I usually make a quick turn, and hop into a second elevator to reach the higher floors.

    Once the elevator reaches what the panel notes is the top floor, I disembark and walk over to another lift. The door to this elevator is more obscured, but I always seem to know how to find it. This ride takes me to the rooftop, and when I step out of the elevator, I’m treated to a stunningly brilliant view of the city’s lights.

    According to my dream dictionary: “Dreaming that you are on a roof, symbolizes boundless success.” Reaching the roof feels more successful than being on it, at least in my dreams, and I never wake feeling as if I’ve accomplished something or am about to do so. The dictionary also notes: “If you are moving up in the escalator, then it suggests that you are addressing and confronting emotional issues.” Can’t say I know what those issues are, but perhaps the answer will be revealed someday.

    I believe this recurring dream, this unknown yet familiar building, this long ride up to the roof is simply a metaphor for my work life. As such, I find myself wondering if I’ll ever reach that elusive rooftop. More importantly, if I do, will the view from the top be worth the climb?