• Closeup of woman and door - Père Lachaise Cemetery, Paris

    My place in the world

    “You’re going to make choices that don’t seem important. There’s little ones like, what’s side of the bed do you want? Yeah, oh, I thought that was trivial. That’s your side for LIFE right there!” –Ray Romano

    Last night, while watching a favorite film, I noticed that two of the characters, a long-married couple, ate dinner at a wide, rectangular table. The man sat at one end and the woman at the other, with two seats on each side of the table between them. It was clear from the story that they had always sat in these places, and for many years, children or guests occupied the middle seats. Once the children had grown and moved away, the two remained in their separate corners, still in love and still separated by the gulf of habit and space.

    This stuck me as odd, even though I’ve seen similar tableaux my whole life. Yet when I eat a meal at a long table with M, it never occurs to me to sit so far away from him. Oh, I’m sure it’s more proper to do so, particularly when there are guests over for dinner, but my place has always been by his side.

    When we first met, I think we sat this way to be closer as we were flush with the headiness of new love. But we’ve been together for nine years now, and the seating arrangement hasn’t changed. We always choose to sit near rather than far.

    M and I have adopted similar arrangements for other activities too. We walk down the street, and he’s typically on the side that’s closest to the road. During a movie or show, he’s on my right. In bed, he’s usually on my left. I could be wrong but I don’t think there was ever a moment where one of us formally declared, “This is my side.” It just happened naturally, and now, over time has become our tradition, part of what Stephen King describes as the “interior language of marriage.”

  • Journaling

    Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by W.B. Yeats

    Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
    Enwrought with golden and silver light,
    The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
    Of night and light and the half-light;
    I would spread the cloths under your feet:
    But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
    I have spread my dreams under your feet;
    Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

    (I reread this poem today and was struck once more by its beauty. Just had to share.)

  • Duncan begs

    The great pork chop caper

    Tonkatsu has been one of my favorite dishes ever since an ex-boyfriend introduced me to it nearly 20 years ago.

    On Saturday night, after M went to sleep, I decided to treat myself to a tonkatsu dinner. For those who are unfamiliar with this Japanese dish, imagine thin boneless pork chops, breaded with panko (Japanese bread crumbs), flash-fried and topped with a tangy and spicy brown sauce. The cutlets are usually served with a side of sticky sushi rice and a small salad.

    Even when cooking for one, the rice takes the longest so I got that started right away. As it percolated in the rice cooker, I turned my attention to setting up the breading station: a plate of flour, a bowl of beaten egg and a plate of panko. Once that was done, I took my two pork chops and very carefully cut them in half lengthwise, making them extra thin. Doing this allows the dish to feel a bit lighter; the pork cooks faster, too. Lastly, I filled the skillet with about 1/2-inch of vegetable oil and set the heat to medium-low. I knew that by the time the oil was ready, the rice would be nearly done. Since I had a few minutes to spare, I wrapped the chops in paper towels to blot out excess moisture, set them on the counter next to the breading station and returned to my office to answer a few emails.

    The time spent at my desk was both productive and brief. Knowing the oil wouldn’t take long, I typed swiftly. So it was only a few minutes later that I swiveled in my chair to face the door. I always do this before standing because my dog Duncan likes to sleep directly behind my desk chair and I don’t want to accidentally roll over him. This time, however, I was surprised to find that he wasn’t there. Nor was he sleeping on the loveseat against the wall. In fact, it had been quite a while since I had seen him.

    Any one who has children will understand the “uh oh” feeling that descends during such moments. It’s the dreadful one that makes you listen intently to your home because it’s quiet, too quiet. In our child-free and pet-filled house, there is a similar ritual, along with the sure knowledge that certain noises should always be present. Even at 3 a.m., silence was not the norm.

    As I stood and began to walk down the hallway, the sound of Duncan’s dog license and proof-of-rabies-shot medallion making a decidedly mischievous clink reached my ears and filled me with additional worry. But by the time I reached the kitchen, the room was empty.

    And all the pork chops were gone.

    Unlike the detectives in mystery novels, I didn’t need to study the evidence — empty space on the counter, two small scraps of paper towel lying on the ground — to figure out whodunit. I knew exactly who the culprit was.

    Sure enough, by the time I reached the living room, a shame-faced canine was lying low in his crate, guilt written all over him. He knew what he did was wrong and he knew I’d be furious. Yet that knowledge just couldn’t keep him from taking advantage of the situation. Apparently the punishment he knew he’d receive was well worth the crime.

    I’ll bet those chops were tasty.

  • 5 true confessions of a jaded mind

    * I can recite every line of “The Parent Trap,” “Better Off Dead” and “Pretty in Pink” from memory.

    * I believe that kitty toes are cuter that human toes.

    * I am far more likely to buy individual songs than albums. Alternatively, I prefer to purchase short story collections over individual tales.

    * I tend to savor food, particularly when I’m eating out, so it drives me a bit mad when wait staff in restaurants try to remove plates from the table before I finish my meal.

    * After 24 years in the news business, I still try to make a difference.